Regardless of who's right and who's wrong when it comes to what happens when our time is up here on Earth, that we "live on" in the memories of those who knew us is at least one thing that theists and atheists can agree upon. Yes, when I expire, my remaining friends, family, and various relatives will have memories of me up until the time that they expire. In other words, after a few generations I will be long-gone and completely forgotten.
Or will I?
Enter the advent of the world wide web and internet:
Being fortunate enough to live in a time of technology and modern scientific advancement, I can voice my opinion and various facts about myself in "cyber-space", where, there(here) I can "live on" much longer than if I was born in the dark ages when man thought that the Earth was shaped like a pancake and that "evil spirits" caused mental illness. So, I'm lucky, I'd say. Of course, when I say "live on" I don't mean as in remain sentient and consciously aware. No, what I mean is that "pieces" of who I am and what I stood for will "live on". Some of the "pieces" that will "live on" will be in the music I made. Consider that analogue tape and vinyl wear out over time. Digital? It's forever, baby. As long as the Earth sustains life, bits and pieces of "me" will live on. This is exciting.
So, I can, for the most part, choose in which ways I'd like to be remembered. For starters, I'd like to be remembered for having stood up for "truth", and please note, not "Truth" with a capital "T" as in some sort of special, "Divine", objective "Truth", but simply, "truth" as in what is most likely true about the world in which I live(lived). I'm talking about knowledge that is practical, not "absolute".
For instance, it is most likely true that I am responsible for my own actions, as opposed to one alternate hypothesis out there that posits that there is an invisible, evil "Antagonist" who lives in the center of the Earth and who coerces me from time to time to commit "evil" deeds. I contend that is it most likely true that my imperfections are due to my human nature, and not due to the notion that a few thousand years ago two human prototypes ate a piece of forbidden fruit offered by a talking snake in a magical garden. Do I know these things to be "True" in an "absolute" sense? No. Do I know them to be true in a practical sense? Yes.
With that being said, I can and do say that I'm sorry for all the times that I used poor judgement and it hurt others. And in the event of my premature death, you can mark my words that everyone I knew, and many more who never knew me at all, will be directed to this blog. Isn't sad that we must die before we truly get people's attention and/or the recognition we sought while alive? This is especially true of artists and musicians.
Back to imperfection and human nature: For any person I wronged in my lifetime, let the record show that I only need(ed) the forgiveness of two individuals, and let it be known that neither of those individuals are an invisible, intangible, inaudible character from an ancient book of fables. No, the two individuals from whom I need forgiveness, are, 1) the person I offended, and 2) myself. But even here there are some stipulations. For example, I'd have to believe that whatever relationship might have been ruined because of me would be worth saving. What I'm saying is that people change over time, or sometimes you just find out that people were never the person you thought they were in the first place.
So, in the case that I believe that a situation is screwed up beyond repair, including for reasons other than any problem that I might have caused, I just may not bother trying to fix things. That is my fundamental right.
Bottom line, I was in charge of my own life. But of course, we are only "in charge" of our lives insofar as we are free to choose to go against our most desired outcome. I maintain that we aren't always free to do that, if ever. But this is for another discussion. For now, suffice it to say that there are times that we are put in a position through no choice of our own, and it could land us in a place where we don't stand a chance. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that we've all been there. I mean, we're all human, after all.
With that out of the way, perhaps the one thing for which I care to be remembered the most is being(having been) a good "dad". In my case, I was a guy who was "elected" by two little girls to be their "dad". At the time, they were 3 and 4 yrs old, and in retrospect, they more than likely reached out to me because their biological father bailed out on them and their mom for another woman and that woman's kids. It started out with casual things such as buying them ice cream cones and taking them to the zoo, and then it became a little more involved, for instance, attending "Doughnuts for Dad" day at school. The thought of those girls sitting alone in the cafeteria having to watch the other kids sitting with their dads disturbed me. Welp, I wasn't about to let that happen.
But make no mistake, they "rescued" me as much as I did, them. This, however, is about as much as I'm willing to offer publicly about my role as a "dad", since, while I'd like to believe that people are trustworthy, I have come to learn that not all people are when it comes to shared information.
Moving on, I'd also like to be remembered as someone who could make people laugh and/or make people think. I fully recognize that in doing the latter I offended (scared?) a lot people by talking about religion. I cover this topic thoroughly in my post called Caught in the Crossfire. In a nutshell, I make(made) no apologies for putting the Christian philosophy and its central tenets under the microscope. I believe that religion, and in particular, religious beliefs held on "faith", are the bane of humanity, even some of the moderate types. I believe this because the moderates enable the wack-job fundamentalists. You might disagree, but remember that someone on the other side of the planet would like to see you dead for holding religious beliefs that directly oppose theirs. That's a real problem, and let's just say that ministering to atheists is not part of the solution.
Lastly, I'd like to be remembered for the guy who asked those of his immediate family and friends who still profess Christianity - including in-laws, cousins, sisters, uncles, nephews, etc - to remain consistent with their "faith", that is, as long as they are going to remain with it and extol its teachings. I would personally like to invite my Christian family and friends to chime in and let those of my non-Christian readership know why I deserve to be right where I'm at, which, if they believe in and uphold the doctrine of "hell", then they believe that at the moment I expire(expired) that my torment will begin(has begun) and it will never end.....EVER. You know who you are, so please, no down-playing. If you feel the focus of my death should be my life, not my death or what I believed, then you would be underscoring my point all of this: What matters in life is people, particularly letting those who we loved and cared about know how we felt about them. Note, I could have been better at this at times. But will we ever feel like we've done/said enough?
Note, for those Christians who believe that I don't deserve to be in "Hell", please do feel free to tell the audience why you continue to at least implicitly support my eternal torment by remaining a "Christian". While it's true that I, myself, spent 2/3rds of my life believing in a literal "Hell"(remember, Jesus spoke of no other subject more), I changed my mind. For those who missed it, I believe the doctrine of "Hell" is abhorrent, repugnant, and immoral, and it should be denounced on every level.
I know, I know....controversial, provocative, etc. Just remember, if African-Americans had not been controversial and provocative they might still be prohibited from drinking out of public water fountains. Oy vey.
8 comments:
For any person I wronged in my lifetime, let the record show that I only need(ed) the forgiveness of two individuals, and let it be known that neither of those individuals are an invisible, intangible, inaudible character from an ancient book of fables. No, the two individuals from whom I need forgiveness, are, 1) the person I offended, and 2) myself.
It is so nice to finally be able to realize that myself.
It is so nice to finally be able to realize that myself
Isn't it? I'm thinking that our relationships with others are each unique. To think that there's a "black 'n white" solution to every conflict we have would be ludicrous, and yet, one philosophy in particular would have us believe just that. Maybe not all things deserve forgiveness, or maybe I forgive myself and that, alone, is good enough.
I saw an interesting internet meme the other day, which, paraphrased, said..."My personality is who I am. My attitude depends on who you are". One of the better ones I've seen.
Thx for reading.
" I just may not bother trying to fix things. That is my fundamental right." - BS
I think I'd counter propose that whether you decided to actually "mend the fence" with a person who might not seem worthy, that you still would need to reconcile the "wrong" with yourself.
Doing a bad act - despite that it may be well deserved by the victim - is still a bad act and i'd argue we at least need to forgive ourselves to properly move forward.
Additionally, sometimes it's simply not possible to gain forgiveness from the wronged party for many reasons (death being the most obvious) but you can still, as stated above, reconcile and forgive yourself for the wrong committed.
Most people also tend to withhold forgiveness like it's some sort of possession that they can hold hostage for ransom - they refuse to give it until favorable terms and condition are exacted. But it truth, "forgiveness" is more like a snagged anchor line to a piece of time in the past that creates increasing resistance to our ability to move forward - to "forgive" is the act of cutting that anchor line and freeing ourselves to move forward unfettered and no longer tethered to the time/event in our past.
THat said, without doubt, the most important act we can ever do for ourselves is to forgive ourselves and - as you stated, and when possible, forgive those we've wronged but that act is not always required, but forgiving ourselves IS a requirement.
I kind of view "forgiveness" as the final step in putting a piece of time/history into long term storage. It can remain in our deep memory for review as needed to learn.review a life lesson - but it is a completed/finalized project that no longer needs to occupy our everyday work space (read: prevailing thoughts)
I'd counter propose that whether you decided to actually "mend the fence" with a person who might not seem worthy, that you still would need to reconcile the "wrong" with yourself.
Agreed, and I never intended to suggest that a valid reason for choosing not to reconcile would be that the person isn't "worthy". I give every person a certain amount of base-respect, but the rest depends on them. So, again, reasons for my choosing not to reconcile(should I chose not to), might be in the case that I feel irreparable damage was done, and/or, if the person has changed or never was person I thought they were, or, for that matter, the person that I had hoped they would become. You can only extend the benefit of doubt for so long. Well, I'm only speaking for myself, here. Thx for chiming in.
Concur - to clarify, I was using the term "worthy" in your context ... just as a shorter version of what you stated. My focus was more to aim the readers at self-forgiveness, if nothing else to close chapters and move forward.
As further clarification - all this talk of "forgiveness" is NOT in conjunction with any religions - real and actual, healing forgiveness can and should be done within one's self and if possible the aggrieved party - no religions, magic, gods/deities, mutilation, torture and/or human sacrifice etc. are required for success. Just a simple heartfelt and honest "I'm sorry for xyz ..." will suffice
"My focus was more to aim the readers at self-forgiveness, if nothing else to close chapters and move forward."
Understood. As Christianity as a starting point, however, self-forgiveness is a bit tougher because followers are taught that they are wretched, debauched "sinners" to begin with. 'Kind of hard to forgive one's self with that sort of self-image, which is why they turn to scapegoating. Peace.
Kind of hard to forgive one's self with that sort of self-image
I don't know about you ... but i suspect it might apply to you as well ... that I found more inner peace, outward compassion, appreciation and general love and beauty in and about all things in the natural world once the umbilical cord of "faith" was severed. It seemed like a veil of prejudgment and predetermined flaws was removed from all my senses and i could actually see think and feel independently and with a new passion about the world around me ... my epiphany that the world did not require a supernatural entity was almost instant and wondrously liberating - like no longer needing glasses to see or a crutch to walk.
"i suspect it might apply to you as well"
Some things, yes; other things, no. It was, yes, a relief to finally be able to live my life without the notion of being under constant surveillance..i.e.."God" knowing my every thought and watching my every move. Eeew.
On the other hand, it's hardly peaceful knowing that I must get everything right in this lifetime and that I alone am responsible for my own actions---no "do-overs"; no passing the buck. It can cause anxiety at times. But alas, any resultant anxiety over ditching Christianity and becoming an atheist is something I'll just have to live with, as there are no good reasons to go back to a belief that promises "do-overs" and forgiveness if that belief isn't true. You cannot put the toothpaste back in the tube.
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