When Memories Vanish

 In a few generations, give or take, the memories of those people who knew us will vanish.

On Friday April 19th at 10:30 AM, my mother passed away in hospice, in Venice, FL.

In addition to the cancer to which she eventually succumbed, she also suffered from dementia.

In my mom's final months she didn't know who she was anymore. She had become a stranger to those who knew her. The race was on between two despicable diseases, with the cancer finally overtaking the dementia. As twisted as it may sound, cancer became "the cure" for my mom's dementia, given that there is no other cure.  

Born Loretta Ann Schrock to parents John Reuben Schrock and Marie Edna Miller on March 2 1944, my mom grew up in Iowa, Pennsylvania, and Florida. It was in Florida that she started a family. She had two sons..i.e.. myself and my brother who was 5 yrs my junior. I use the past tense because he was killed in an automobile accident when he was 16 yrs old on June 8th, 1984.

When my time is up, the thought that my mom's memory will vanish along with me, is, needless to say, unsettling. Right now, the thought that all those who knew me from the very beginning are all gone, my mom being the last to go, is unsettling. There are a handful people alive who knew my various departed family members, but alas, when they are no more, all the memories vanish. At that point, it's like they never lived. 

But again, as unsettling as it may be, reality doesn't care how we feel about reality. Considering this and everything I've laid out above, I will utilize this blog-post a memorial, so to speak. It will be my way of making sure they live on. 

 

Finally

Countless times have I sat down to this blog only to stare at the screen for what seems like an eternity, and then ultimately navigate away. Not because I don't have anything to say, but because I have too much to say and never know where to begin. Well, today was the day I forced myself to start a post. 

Suffice it to say that 2020 was a sh*t-show like no other. But I don't want this to turn into strictly a political post, so I'll just say that if what we saw in 2020 was an example of making a country "great," I'd sure as sh*t hate to see a country that's been turned into a train wreck. Presidents getting "Thank you!" tweets from the KKK? Yeah, no.

So, in the wake of it all, that's the kind of stuff we're up against and we're still recovering from it. White Nationalism, deadly pandemics, insurrections, and an entire anti-science movement. There's also some new terms, one of those being "alternative facts." Yes, we now live in a world where a good chunk of society would trust the dishwasher at Waffle House before they'd trust people who spent years studying viruses and germs. Gut instinct and YouTube videos now trump scientifically acquired evidence. Don't like science's facts? No problem, just shop for some alternative facts. 

Totally switching gears, let me just say that there's been far too many great musicians leaving this world far too soon. Too many names to list off, but it really has given me time to ruminate on what's important in life. A reminder that I could be next. Not that I'm great, but I could be next. And yes, like a lot of insomniacs, I do my share of lying awake in bed at night. And with all of this social discord and now more than ever, division, it can cause major unrest in a person's life. But of course it's all relative.  Suffering always is.

Of course, someone out there has more chaos and disruption in their life than I do and I'm sorry for them. But believe it or not, some people actually create the environment, circumstances, conditions, etc., under which they now suffer. IOW, they contribute to their own suffering - maybe their lifestyle bit them in the ass, I don't know - but it's harder for me to feel sorry for those who create an environment that leads to their suffering. If certain things are held sacred to a person, they should show the world this by not acting contrary to the thing that's held sacred.    

So, a lot of people have the luxury of turning to spirituality and religion when life throws them a curve ball. Just a cursory look at this blog and it should become clear that I don't have that luxury, and for anyone interested, I include why I don't have that luxury and never will have it.

For a quick recap, I lost "faith" in faith, so I must seek out other avenues for finding calm. Writing down thoughts is a good starting point, and for me, it's second to writing music. So, yeah, I finally broke down and authored a new post, and yes, it is mostly for my benefit, which I guess is a good thing given that the majority of people who know me will likely never see this blog until I part ways with this sweet cesspool of a planet. Yes, that's right, that's what I called it, and yes, I will get more traffic here when I'm gone than I will ever get while still here, and I've accepted that. Whatever. My views on life are very unpopular. And yes, many are committed to writing me off as "negative." And BTW, toxic positivity is a thing. 

I've lost social media friends because of my political and/or religious views. While I try to set high standards for myself, one of which is not go for the low hanging fruit, there are just some instances where I will not simply sit silently by when ignorance is being spewed, especially when it comes to views that make the planet more dangerous than it needs to be, or less severe, views that attempt to traduce me personally. Atheist backlash is also a thing. 

It's 2023 and conspiracy theories abound and there's an anti-science movement that appears to be ever-growing. If someone were to ask me what contributes to this sort of mental decline in our society, my answer would be this: Logically inconsistent thinking, sometimes known as, lazy-ass thinking.

We live in a time where you have to point out that a virus can't be "fake" but also something manufactured in a lab somewhere in China. You have to point out that John Doe cannot be married, but also be a bachelor. Oh, and if he is a bachelor, you apparently have to add that maybe he remains one because he hates commitment. Or perhaps he's given up on romantic love. Me? I say it's illusion.

Yes, I know, I'm being cryptic right now, but IDGAF, and besides, I like messin' with the peanut gallery. I don't mind eviscerating a whisper campaign, either. Humans. Meh---all thinking they know sh*t that in fact they don't know. I just wish I could come back from the dead to respond to the comments that I can only imagine might show up on day.  

Mourning the Dove

 

RIP 😢

The Meat of the Word

Okay, so I haven't made any blog entries in a while, but the other day coming home from the doggy beach just South of me I was so blown away by *what I had witnessed that I actually felt compelled to go back the next day to photograph it so that I could write a piece on it.

*the website and Pastor have been intentionally obscured.

So, there you have it folks; being a good person is not enough. No, really....being a good person means jack', at least as far as one worldview is concerned. I am elated that this particular church makes no bones about it; it's refreshing to see church folk calling a spade a spade instead of skirting the issues whenever something about Christianity elicits feelings of discomfort or cognitive dissonance. And being a former believer, I know first hand that the doctrine of "hell" elicits both, as does Christian morality. The relationship between the two things isn't quite what one would expect. Be moral and avoid "hell", right? No...WRONG.  Again, it's not about behavior or being a good person. These things are not enough.

So, given that Christianity makes good use of the whole "carrot and stick" approach to persuading good behavior, at the end of the day it's not even about behavior; it's about having the right belief and the fear of not having it. 

While on the one hand I'm pleasantly surprised to see a church not beat around the bush on this topic, on the hand I find it to be an utter insult to humanity that any belief-system would attempt to put the thoughts that a man may or may not have in his head over the actions or behavior of that man. In other words, what we're essentially talking about here is a mind-crime; that is, it is thought to be a crime and an outright affront to God to not harbor the belief that pleasing God should be put above all else, including human behavior, and by extension, even morals. Whereas this church and its Pastor would surely say that to have the correct thoughts in your head is not only a blessing but a requirement, not only do I find the notion that thoughts mean more than actions to be despicable, but in a worst case scenario I contend that it could actually end up being a self-fulfilling prophecy. Yes, y'all, let's teach a child that he or she is not trustworthy and can't accomplish anything good on his or her own, then.. oh, let's be all shocked and dismayed when that child turns out to be an underachiever later in life, or even worse. Perhaps this could explain why the incarcerated end up "finding God"? But I digress.

So if teaching a child that he or she is rotten to the core isn't bad enough, let's go ahead and really confound things, shall we? Yes, let's make it interesting and get the child to believe that even if he or she could somehow manage to behave and treat his or her friends and family with kindness and respect, we turn around and say, good job, but so the %$#@ what? 

It sounds cruel, does it not? Well, tough cookies, because being "good" means nadda when it comes to Christian doctrine, and New Covenant Church knows this. New Covenant Church is keenly aware of the doctrine of "original sin", and let's face it, this is exactly what Christianity and it's totally bankrupt "moral" system boils down to---this whole idea that humankind is inherently "evil" and is in need of the "cure". Okay, well, perhaps "cure" isn't the right word, because you're never really cured. More like off the hook. Excused. Pardoned. Your "sin" is swept under the rug due to something called "substitutionary atonement".

But again, this church is really just being honest. Christianity is not about being moral (vs immoral). It's not about loving your neighbor as yourself (vs hating them). You could blow your neighbor's brains all over the lawn for no reason at all and still make it into heaven. That is, if you die with the right thoughts in your head. Good behavior and good intentions? They mean NOTHING; it is belief that matters, specifically, to possess the belief that you are broken and fall short of what biblegod expected of you and that your only hope in life is faith in Jesus.

Did you catch that? You are expected to be what you can never ever be, and if that isn't insane enough, you deserve to be punished if you don't accept the "get out of jail" card, which of course is analogous to accepting "Jesus" as your lord and savior, etc., etc. Yes, this is what gets you off the hook from receiving what every one of us presumably deserves, starting from the second we exit the womb. And yes, I'm referring to an eternity in hellfire. 

To illustrate the utter lunacy here, I like to use an analogy that I've used in the past, which is a hypothetical in which you toss a goldfish into a fish bowl and then blame it for being "wet". It sounds ridiculous, doesn't it? Welp, that's because it is ridiculous, and likewise, so is this whole idea that we are inherently flawed, or in godspeak, "sinful". And why? Well, because of a one-time poor decision made by what we are to believe were the first two human prototypes, "Adam & Eve".

So, in the words of the late, great Christopher Hitchens, we were created sick and commanded to be well. And I reiterate, this is a morally bankrupt system. All the sermons about "Commandments" and "absolute morality" you heard growing up? It's all smoke and mirrors---it's a diversion tactic meant to obscure the reality of what Christianity is really all about at the end of the day, which ironically has nothing at all to do with one's behavior, but everything to do with having the correct beliefs.

Now, as a disclaimer I have to put it out there that there is a very slight chance that when this church advertises that "Being good is not enough" that they have something entirely different in mind. But I have to sort of doubt it, given that in mission statement no. 15 on their website, they write....

15. WE BELIEVE...A Final Judgment Will Take Place for those who have rejected Christ. They will be judged for their sin and consigned to eternal punishment in a punishing lake of fire.

There's that word "rejected". Okay, what about those of us who are simply unable to honestly believe that Christianity is true? Does God want us to lie to ourselves? Wait....is it even possible to knowingly lie to yourself? And by the way, does the Christian reject Allah? Or like me, do they simply lack any belief that such a being exists?

 These are the tough questions. But nothing that a little faith can't overcome, right?

Memories of Autumn

The following was copied and pasted with permission from the author just as it appeared on social media.

From my memories:

I keep wanting to write on my blog, then, I think what is the point? Life is this big shithole. We get a few days of happiness and a million days of sorrow. Even the best, most popular, wealthy, beautiful among us wither away and end up under the earth, buried, forgotten. How long will it take to forget me when I am gone? And, honestly, I don't balme anyone for forgetting me. I don't deserve to be remembered. What did I do with my "precious gift"? Not much really. I spent those few happy days laughing in the sun, pretending they would never end, ignoring the looming darkness on the horizon. I survived through each of those million shitty days, crawling on my hands and knees through the mud and the shit, reaching...food...water...shelter...I spend all my time trying to keep those wrigley things in my hands, (I have dropped one or the other so many times) but that's it. I never did anything great. I let myself down. I let my family down. I made everyone uncomfortable with my transparency. I turned everyone against me with my awkward personality, my inability to talk small, my bluntness. I'm sorry. I don't know what else to be except myself, I can't pretend to be what everyone wants me to be. I am a terrible liar, a terrible actor. I can't be anything, but real. I asked God to help me, but I guess He isn't listening. Maybe he hates me, too. Then, I hear a trombone echo through the house like a little sad, but hopeful seed that is trying to bloom through a heavy cement lot. It is beautiful. A trombone...my daddy, the musical genius' (until God took away his hands and feet) favorite instrument. I feel proud. I can hear him learning. The sound of learing sounds so good. I can hear his soul. I am proud. I peek in his room, I watch his eyes, his face, His cheeks swollen like a bullfrog's jowls. I see passion and contentment in those eyes. His face is relaxed and playful, the way any child is when they think they are alone. I feel a stabbing pain in my heart. In my mind, I pray. Oh God, don't let them snuff him out! Don't let the teachers and opportunity givers in his life look him over because he's poor, because his parents are fucked up, because he is of color, like they so often do, like I have seen over and over in my life. God, don't let them make him bitter. Let me forever be the umbrella covering his head, please, God. These young'uns are all I have. Life sucks. People suck, I can't leave them here alone with the small minds and spirit breakers of this world 

~ Autumn Lynn Rigney 

 The reason for the repost is because so much of this written piece resonated with me, and in a few ways the author's sentiments about life, sentiments which are clearly transparent and heartfelt, remind me of the days when I was "on the fence" about God's existence. 

So, the author wants to write a new blog entry but she wonders what the point would be? Been there; done that. A few posts back I even touched on this very subject; that is, if everything we do, feel, and say ends up in the abyss of nothingness, then yeah, asking what the point is actually is a fair question. It can all fall on deaf ears. At least while we're alive it can.  

But she makes a fair point---in a few short generations after we're gone, even any remaining memories of us will fade away, too. All that will be left is stories about us and anything we might have created while alive..e.g.. music, books, artwork, movies, etc. This of course would include anything we might have published on the World Wide Web..e.g...blogs.

And yes, the ratio of happy days to sorrowful days can take the wind out of a person's sail fairly quickly, although, some would argue that it's all relative and that it mostly boils down to simple perspective---that it's not about what bad things happen to us, but how we react to those things that counts. Well, okay, sure..... sometimes. 

The author is right though; that is, it doesn't matter how popular, wealthy, or beautiful we are, because we all end up the same. But curiously, this does not generally fit the profile of a person of faith. No, because a person of faith has convinced him or herself that some of us definitely do end up better off than others. Not because of wealth or popularity, but because of belief. If you have the right beliefs floating around in your head? You're good to go. And this should be a no-brainer, should it not? Well, sure it should, provided we can just choose what to believe or not believe.

I won't pretend to know where the author stands, but I think it's a safe bet that if she's a person of faith that she is now experiencing doubt and skepticism. Maybe even cynicism? And if so, so what? Doubt is a normal reaction anytime ideas or even real events cause cognitive dissonance. Skepticism? Skepticism weeds out error.  And cynicism? Isn't it warranted sometimes? A parent tells his or her child that they are coming home, but 10, 20, 30, 40 years later the parent is still a no-show? How could this not make a child cynical?

While I am sad to read that the author feels alone and fears she will be forgotten, I'm glad to hear her at least mention a few things that give her life meaning here and now, even if it's just memories. Because this is where the true rewards are; that is, the only ones that we can know for sure we have. Let these memories be the umbrella that covers Autumn's head.

Yes.


Okay, I typed "Yes", because, sure, while I agree that it's totally possible that someone can convince themselves that someone they know or are acquainted with is a bad person; and while I agree that it's also possible that their reason for doing such a thing could be an attempt to not have to deal with the guilt or responsibility of the hurt that they might have caused the person they are pretending is bad, I would say that this is just a little too simplistic. Rarely is life as simplistic as the authors of our favorite memes and inspirational quotes would like to make it.

It seems to me that it would be careless to not consider all of the variables in instances when internet quotes attempt to deal with interpersonal relationships, especially if a meme is being directed at a specific person, say, on social media. For starters, what if the person who presumably feels guilty about the thing or things that they've done to someone else is in fact not pretending? Is it not possible that both parties in a falling out can be "bad"? Of course, this is loosely assuming that everyone agrees on what "bad" means. I mean, rarely is someone inherently a "bad" person, and if they are, it's usually a mental disorder..e.g...a defect that causes them to be amoral. At least an immoral person knows when they've acted immorally. But I digress...

Queue the "Two wrongs don't make a right!" quote. And fine---I agree that two wrongs don't make a right. All day. But what about a situation in which both parties feel wronged about something the other did? Could it not just be that there's no need for pretending on anyone's part? What if one party, despite feeling wronged, longs for reconciliation, while the other doesn't? Or wait, what if the person who did the wronging doesn't want reconciliation? And another possibility; what if one party feels that a trespass was on such a level of egregiousness that the subsequent damage it caused is irreparable?

Whether it's a friendship, a romance, or a business venture, it seems that there is some level of commitment required.

Trust.

As a lot people will likely attest, once trust is gone it's usually very hard to get back, and in the rare instances where it happens, it takes a tremendous amount of work to maintain it. Is it worth all that work? I'm thinking that this is up to the individuals involved. Some people just may not want to do all that work, and sometimes that's okay. It could be that what is coming is better than what is gone <3

Random Facts, Opinions, and Observations with 2018 coming to a close.....

'Haven't had much to write about, at least not anything that I feel I want to devote an entire blog entry to. I've still had a lot on my mind, though, so I will go ahead and dedicate a year-end post to a bunch of different topics, some related, some not, and just as the title indicates, this will mostly just be some random facts, opinions, and observations. Okay, there might be some ranting, and possibly even some autobiographical tidbits.

So, since it was Christmas the other day, I guess that I will start with the whole, "Merry Christmas!" vs "Happy Holidays!" debate, aka, the "the War on Christmas".

I think that all of the hoopla, or to some people, the "controversy" surrounding this debate was most likely due to retailers asking their reps to say "Happy Holidays"(as opposed to "Merry Christmas"). And I'm thinking that this was simply an attempt to be inclusive when it comes to customers or potential customers during the holidays. After all, happy customers come back, whereas, offended customers, or perhaps those who may feel left out, just may not come back. Though it seems to me that a good deal, is a good deal, is a good deal. But that's just me.

If we get down to brass tacks, I think what we're most likely witnessing here is carry-over from a business strategy, not some covert conspiracy to ruin Christmas for people who celebrate it. And BTW, I'm an atheist and I celebrate Christmas as a cultural holiday. True story.

But as many have witnessed, the Far Religious Right ain't having this "Happy Holidays" junk. I personally don't feel that this sort of adversity to a phrase should really come by any surprise to anyone, given that the most conservative of the Conservative are traditionalists by definition and their spiritual beliefs are inherently exclusive. The other guy's religion? Don't be silly, that's just a bunch of man-made nonsense. And note, this exclusivity is not merely my opinion. No, because the language in the Christian handbook is there for all to see and it is delineated in no uncertain terms that "Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life"(aka, John 14:6). And then there's, "You shall have no other gods before me.", yadda, yadda. So, yeah, it's a exclusive club.

Christians, and former Christians such as myself, had this part drilled into our heads. In fact, exclusivity is at the hub of the whole Christian philosophy, and perhaps the biggest clue was that Jesus spoke on no other topic more than that of what would be the consequences for people who reject Him as "the way, the truth, and the life", etc. Why would I focus on that and not the gems, one might ask? I "focus" on what's there. Not just what I find palatable.

So, yeah, Christianity(according to Christianity) is the one and only path to Enlightenment. IOW, it's circular reasoning being paraded as "fact". So, until it's demonstrated to be true in some non-circular, objective way, I'm afraid Christians will just have to get used to other belief-systems getting acknowledged during the holidays. I know, such a terrible thing, isn't it? Including other's spiritual beliefs in the festivities? #ByeFelicia

But truth be known, I'm not the slightest bit offended if someone says, "Merry Christmas!"

This brings me to the 45th president of the United States since he is somehow seen as the "hero" for bringing back the expression in question and winning this so-called "war on Christmas". While I could surely devote an entire post to this guy, I flat-out won't do it, because, a) he's not worth my time, but mostly, b) I cannot change an ideologue's mind, and this is precisely what those who still defend him are: Fucking ideologues. In fact, it's gotten to the point where supporters now evoke the political equivalent of Divine Command Theory. To recap, DCT is where an action's moral status is based on whether "God" commands that action(or not).

The 45th president? Same, only in a political sense. Remember, this is the guy who by his own admission said that he could march out onto the street and publicly shoot someone dead for no reason at all and he would not lose supporters. This, believe it or not, was one of his finer talking points while on the campaign trail. If I believe anything at all that spews from this vile buffoon's mouth, it's this. Yes, absolutely, he could blow someone's brains out for no reason at all and he wouldn't lose supporters. No doubt about it. And let's be honest here, he's bragging, not saying it regrettably. His supporters? They eat it up.

So, yeah, just like the "God" of the Christian Bible, the 45th president can literally do no wrong in his supporter's eyes. Sad and disgusting.

I'm approaching the age....no, wait...I'm already there... where I could drop dead from any one of the various instant killers out there---heart attack, stroke, aneurysm, and more. Then there's the diseases that kill you slowly. Yay! But seriously, so many people I know(knew) are dying all around me, from friends I grew up with, to musical peers, and this is both musicians I knew personally and those I grew up listening to. Many of my heroes have passed on. I'll see a favorite artist's name mentioned or song posted, and I'm like, "Oh, wait, they're dead now" :(

So, what happens is that people will share music on social media and often times I'm reminded that the artist has passed on. And this is sort of sad, is it not? I mean, especially for independent artists who are trying to get all the fans they can get in the hopes that a major label might take notice. To think that we independent, "self-everything" artists have to die to get noticed? Fortunately, I do have a dozen or so friends who have given props to the music I've created/co-created, and for this I am grateful. I guess it's just a little unsettling to know that the most "likes" I'll ever get will be when I croak = /

Sadly, the same dynamic is true with this blog: Chances are, people will flock here in droves when I'm gone to read posts just like this one. This quite honestly is a lot of the reason that I feel inclined to touch on this topic. And since I have very unpopular views, views that many would say (and have said) are "negative" and/or "depressing", I can only imagine some of the comments from these super, duper positive people who mysteriously seem to be able to shit sunshine 24/7. Funny, it never occurs to these people that my "depressing" views could actually be right. But alas, this is their world---a world in which reality evidently sympathizes with their feelings. Must be nice. Must be nice to be able to look on the bright side when you witness three of your four kids get plowed over at the bus stop. Four of your kids go to school, only one comes back. God is great.

Oh, well, at least when I'm dead I won't even know that I'm dead nor that I'd ever lived. I guess what  I'm saying is that I regret now what I won't be able to regret later, which is that I won't be around to field some of the inane, misinformed comments that I can only imagine would pop up here, and elsewhere on the internet. It's only sort of a bummer now because I'm actually able to foresee such comments based on what history shows. And, well, one of the things that history shows is that there are people, even friends and family, who don't have the slightest clue what atheism is and how it "happens". And that's just it---atheism is not something that you choose; it just happens, and it happens as a result of some other seemingly innocuous decisions. For instance, something as innocent as deciding to investigate the origins of the Bible, but more importantly, having a willingness to accept the findings even if it makes you uncomfortable. And yeah, this takes courage. Being atheist takes courage.

But like I've said before, most theists have zero desire to know what atheism is or how it happens. Nope, they don't care about my experiences because their experiences have convinced them that the Universe, in one way or another, is looking out for little ol' them. Subjective validation? Nah. Confirmation bias? Unthinkable!....::sigh::

And yet, I can't help but notice there's a correlation between the above-described people and today's conspiracy theorists---that is, people who are quick to believe things that they cannot possibly know, and I mean things about us as individuals and the world we live in. Good grief, we are a frecking spec in 125 billion galaxies. And this is just known galaxies, mind you. Perspective is everything. So, I dunno, but maybe people should spend more time getting to know people and less time pretending to have them all figured out? Maybe more time living the life they know for sure they have, and less time trying to get in the next? Just a thought.

Hey, did you know that just like it's possible to have good sex without love that it's also possible to have good love without sex? I know, I know.....that was a curve ball. And I know that the latter scenario may seem weird to some people, and while it's definitely atypical, that doesn't mean it's not possible. Good sex and good love are not interdependent. They just aren't. Sure, people might convince themselves that one makes the other better. But I would opine that this is more psychology than it is biology.

I guess maybe this is where it becomes a little bit autobiographical, but I can recall as a 10 or 11 year old stumbling upon the stack of Playboy magazines that my dad would keep in his bathroom(we had a house with a one & half bath, and the half bath was my dad's personal space).

But getting back to Hugh Hefner, his photographers left a whole lot to the imagination, especially in contrast to some of today's men's magazines where absolutely nothing is left to the imagination. Back then it was mostly just topless, and on the rare occasion that there was full frontal nudity, let's just say that a combination of clever studio lighting and the hippie movement prevented a guy from seeing anything that could remotely be considered "raunchy". IOW, you had to use your imagination, and that's just what I did.

But the point here is this: As a kid, the first urge I had was a sexual one. Love? At the time, the love I got from my family and the love (I thought) I was getting from "God" was enough. I didn't care about what those Playboy Bunnies did in their spare time. If Miss June got hit by a bus, I'd move on to Miss July without batting an eye. I wasn't thinking about "love", I was thinking about sex.

Of course, like most young adults I eventually started to seek love later on, and yet, in retrospect when I thought I found it, I know now that it wasn't "love" at all, it was infatuation. But still, even as an adult I see infatuation, romance, sex, and love as different and separate things. I can look at a woman with lust and it not invalidate the love I have for my significant other. Religion disagrees, of course. Basically, imagining yourself in a sex act with someone besides your wife or husband is the same as actually engaging in a sex act with that person. Huh! *May as well do it, right?! I mean, what is an urge to have sexual intercourse with someone if not lust? 'Guess I really just fail to see how you can feel sexually attracted to someone, whether you're married to them, or not, and not lust after them. It seems to me that lust is a natural and necessary precursor to sex. My goodness, if our biological fathers didn't at some point lust after our biological mothers, most of us wouldn't be here!

*this was to make a rhetorical point.  I am not advocating that people act on thoughts they might have.

I'm aware that some people might sense there's some dysfunction. Fair enough. I'm not a believer in romantic love, and here again is another unpopular view. In my experience and from what I see around me, when lust turns to romance, I see this stage as infatuation. Infatuation (to me) is the stage where it's still all about you and your own needs. There's strings attached here, and real, genuine love has no strings, because real love is all about the other person. Well, unbelievably, I am finally in a relationship where it's about the other person. This doesn't necessarily mean I don't seek to have my own needs met. I do. I live with my best friend, and she seems to understand me more than anyone else ever has. I've gotten her to at least hear me out on what I believe are the pitfalls of romantic love, and while she might not agree entirely, she sees places where I do have a point.

One thing I can't stand is double standards. For example, if, say, an attractive woman is decisively childless and has never settled down; if she is known to "date" different people, but is now well into mid-life and remains single and/or uncommitted, think of what people might say in their attempts to account for her relationship status and preferences. I don't think it would be uncommon to hear things like, "Well, she sure knows what she wants!"..or maybe something like, "She's independent and won't be controlled!" Or maybe we'd hear, "Oh, leave her alone! She's smart and is simply waiting for the right person!". All of the above?

Now think of a guy who is decisively childless, has never settled down, is known to "date" different people, but is now well into mid-life and remains single and/or uncommitted.

I rest my case. And let's be honest here, the above kind of theories would be at the very bottom of the list of things that people might conclude about a man with the exact same status and preferences. A male that knows what he wants, values solitude, and is emotionally independent? That's just crazy talk. Well, crazy or not, for the longest time I was that dude and I sort of still am. Okay, I suppose there's a slight chance that an open-minded person might "get" this. All I can say is thank goodness for rational thinkers! Because conspiracy theorists? Ugh. You know the type, it's the people who are rarely if ever consistent in reasoning. It's the ones who are quick to make up their minds on scant or even demonstrably false information. It's the crowd who would rather believe what they want to be true rather than what's actually true. Think flat-earthers or chem-trail theorists, here. It's the ones who parrot what they've heard(or read somewhere), because after all, it's cool to think you "know" some shit that no one else knows. Doubly cool when it comes to thinkin' that you know some shit about people you don't like. Goes triple when it comes to thinkin' you know somethin' juicy about someone who's burned bridges with you still standin' on 'em.

Meh.

But like I said, one day I'll be gone and chances are that some of the above-described people will be reading this. Welp, this is for that insipidly ignorant bunch ;) 

Uh-oh. Guess that was the "rant" part, eh?.....::snicker::

Oh, well, like most normal people there are a few things in my past I'm not so proud of. But you know the adage, right? I'd rather make mistakes than fake perfection? Yeah, that's the one. Of course, as far as things that I will not miss when I'm gone, ruminating on poor judgment that I used in the past is one such thing.  And by "ruminating," I mean wishing over and over I could go back and "redo" a few things. Damn me to hell, right? Trust me, in some ways I'm already there. I am my own devil and I make my own hell. Wait....that sounds like the makings of a new song...

But the truth is, I'm sorry to have to report that binge-drinking contributed to some really poor decision-making in my past. I'm sorry to have to report that, yeah, I've said some really ugly things to people I care about, probably out of fear, anger, or frustration. Maybe all three? Sure.  Look, I'm sorry to have to report that atheism does not = perfection. Atheists are human beings just like everyone else, and like everyone else they use poor judgment from time to time. But the reality is, this has squat to do with whether atheism is true or false. But people won't "get" this. They won't understand it, and for this reason they won't accept it---not while I'm alive and well, and not when I'm dead and gone. To a moral objectivist(especially one whose feelings have been really hurt), atheists need to account for morality if they're going to claim that morality does not come from "God". Well, no we don't. What about free will? What about being at the wrong place at the wrong time? What about three fingers pointin' back?



Good bye, all! Wishing you all a marvelous 2019!!!!